Grief doesn’t always begin after someone dies. For many people, it starts much earlier. In the quiet, painful moments of knowing that loss is coming. This is known as anticipatory grief, and it’s a natural, though often misunderstood, part of the grieving process.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the emotional pain we feel when we know a loved one is nearing the end of life. It often arises during terminal illness, dementia, or long-term decline. Unlike traditional grief, which follows a death, anticipatory grief begins while the person is still alive, and that can be confusing. For some, it may even arise while a person is fit and well. For instance, a young adult coming to terms with the fact that life ends, and that one day their grandparents and parents will pass on from this world.

You may find yourself grieving the future loss, the changes in your loved one, or the life you imagined together. It’s common to feel sadness, anxiety, guilt, or even anger. Some people feel emotionally distant from the person who is dying, while others feel overwhelmed by the weight of caregiving and uncertainty.

Is Anticipatory Grief Normal?

Yes. Anticipatory grief is completely normal. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up hope or being disloyal. It means your heart is already beginning to process a profound change. Recognising this type of grief can help you feel less alone and more prepared for what’s ahead.

Signs of Anticipatory Grief

Some common signs include:

• Feeling emotionally drained or on edge
• Crying unexpectedly or feeling numb
• Guilt about past actions or future decisions
• Worrying about how life will change after the loss
• Wanting to talk about the future but not knowing how

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and it’s okay to feel sadness before the loss happens.

2. Talk to Someone You Trust

Whether it’s a friend, counsellor, or support group, sharing your thoughts can ease the emotional burden. You don’t have to go through this alone.

3. Spend Meaningful Time Together

If possible, create small moments of connection, such as a shared story, a favourite song, or simply sitting in silence. These memories can bring comfort later.

4. Look After Yourself

Grief is exhausting. Try to rest, eat well, and take breaks when you can. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential.

5. Prepare Practically and Emotionally

If it feels appropriate, talk about end-of-life wishes or funeral plans. These conversations can be difficult, but they often bring peace and clarity.

You’re Not Alone

Anticipatory grief is a quiet kind of heartbreak, but it’s real, and it matters. If you’re experiencing it, know that support is available. Talking about it, even just a little, can make a big difference.