Talking about someone who has died can feel awkward, emotional, or even frightening, especially if you’re not sure what to say or how others will respond. But keeping their memory alive through conversation is one of the most meaningful ways to honour them.

Whether you’re grieving yourself or supporting someone else, here are some gentle tips for speaking about a loved one who has passed away.

Why Talking About the Deceased Matters

Mentioning someone who has died helps keep their memory present. It can bring comfort, spark shared stories, and remind us that their life still matters. For many people, hearing their loved one’s name spoken aloud is a gift, not a trigger.

Avoiding the topic can sometimes make grief feel more isolating. Talking about the person who died, even in small ways, helps normalise grief and keeps their legacy alive.

Use Their Name

It might feel strange at first, but using the person’s name is powerful. Instead of saying “my friend who passed,” try saying, “When Sheila and I used to go walking…” It makes the memory more personal and real.

Share Stories, Not Just Sadness

You don’t have to focus only on the loss. Share funny moments, quirks, or things they loved. “Dad used to burn the toast every morning,” or “She always danced to that song,” can bring warmth and connection.

It’s Okay to Get Emotional

If you tear up or pause mid-sentence, that’s okay. Grief is messy, and emotions are part of the process. Most people will understand and may even feel relieved to express their feelings as well.

Respect Others’ Comfort Levels

Some people may not be ready to talk, and that’s okay, too. You can gently open the door by saying something like, “I was thinking about your mum today. Would it be okay if I shared a memory?”

Keep the Conversation Going

Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Mention your loved one in everyday life; in conversations, at family gatherings, or even on social media. It’s a way of saying: they mattered, and they still do.